It's a Crazy World
by Adin Terim
Summary: Edmund Grant thought that he was ready to go on his very own pokémon adventure. Get his pokémon, a cyndaquil, and buy some supplies, potions and pokéballs. Then off he'd go on his journey, catching pidgey and hoppip on his way to the first gym. Little does he know of the weirdness that is waiting for him once he steps out his front door. A Randomized Crystal Nuzlocke.
1. Prologue

It was late and he was tired. Staring at the mess of work laying there in front of him the teenager felt the need to just to burn it all. Just burn the papers stacked there on the table. More of the cursed things could be printed out so it wouldn't be much of a loss. Pausing for a second to decide whether or not to burn the annoying things he yawned and rubbed at his aching eyes. The bright desk lamp wasn't really helping anything; he just wanted this over with so he could get to sleep. Burning it would certainly solve one of his problems as with no papers to fill out he could climb into his comfy bed and fall asleep. Then again he was already done with the proof of identification section and a couple of pages into the main application; there was no need for him to fill it out again. Ignoring his impulses he continued to read and fill out the form in the appropriate places, scribbling in gender – male, eye color – blue, age – 14, and the like.

He wondered just why all this information was needed in the first place. Couldn't he just grab a pokémon and be done with it? That would be so much easier than filling in this crap in. Yeah that would be the best he thought. No worries, just walking in grabbing a pokémon and being handed his trainer card. He would have been able to start his journey weeks ago. The loud call of a hoothoot brought him back into focus, he needed finish this tonight. Yawning he turned his attention back to the application that he probably should have filled out ages ago.

The next section he already knew, it was filled with common knowledge. You should try _not_ to kill your opponent's pokémon during a battle, that you have to pay taxes to the League on any winnings received from a pokémon battle, and that you were not allowed to have more than six pokémon on your person at any time. Some of the stuff he read he wondered why it was even writing there, like the page and a half that was spent explaining in almost technical detail why you are not able and not supposed to catch another trainer's pokémon. There also was a brief paragraph explaining that if you were going to compete competitively that the use of drugs was recently banned and punishable by expulsion from the tournament and a fine. Like he could afford any of that stuff, let alone find people willing to sell it to him. Letting out another yawn he read two more pages of the useless information before finally finishing the section. Signing on the line provided he continued on.

Pokémon Conservation: Respecting the Environment was written in bold letters at the top of the next page. Skimming through text it showed the outline of the semi-new laws and limits in regards to dealing with wild pokémon. Gone were the days you could slaughter a colony of rattata in the name of training like his uncle had told him in stories of his own days a trainer. Now trainers were expected to call off their own pokémon when the wild ones were knocked out or in no condition to fight. A scowl appeared on his face as he read the next part. Even the amount of pokémon you could catch in a given area was limited to one, apparently with the hopes of preventing the driving of another species to near extinction. He played with the idea of just ignoring the limits, but it was shot down very quickly when he got to the part outlining the possible punishments for not following the rules. The consequences of breaking those laws were harsher than any other ones he had seen in the packet with heavy fines and jail time possible. And the fact that repeat offenders could have all their pokémon stripped from them and their trainer's license revoked just sealed the deal for him. Oh well he thought, that would just allow me to save money on purchasing pokéballs. With the quick scrawl of his pen the dotted line was signed Edmund Grant and he turned his attention to the next twenty pages of the application.

Three pages later his brain was overloaded, he felt as if would die if he had to read another sentence. He just wanted to stop and sleep, but he knew that he would never finish filling it out if he didn't do it now. Ignoring his brain telling him that it was a bad idea he just went through the application signing everything he could find. I can deal with the consequences later he thought, not caring about anything else in the packet. Sighing, he dropped his pen on the desk and leaned back to stretch. Glancing over at the packet one last time he smiled slightly, a feeling of triumph going through him. He had done it. He had finally filled out the application that had been sitting on top of his desk for weeks, with a day to spare before the official new trainer sign-up window would close. His trainer's license application was filled out and tomorrow he could go and turn it into the professor. He could finally get his own pokémon and go on an adventure!

Climbing into bed, his mind was still turning. He still hadn't decided what starter he wanted, only knowing that he did not want anything to do with the chikorita. Who in their right mind would want a cute little grass pokémon like that and even its evolution did nothing to change it, with it having a giant flower around its neck in its final form. That left him just two options, totodile and cyndaquil. It was a hard choice he thought; both cyndaquil and totodile were cool in their own ways. Thinking about it totodile was an awesome looking reptile with sharp teeth, but how could he pass up on a fire type? Fire types were the best because they had the ability to conjure flames. Yeah, he thought, a cyndaquil is the perfect pokémon for me. He drifted off to sleep with a small smile on his face certain he would be gone the next the day, traveling with his cyndaquil.

* * *

I've been thinking about doing a randomized nuzlocke run for a while now, but I mostly let the idea bounce around in my head. But after reading kazikamikaze24's A Random Journey (go check it out) I decided that there was no reason not to start my own. So what do you think? Like in my previous story please point out any tense and grammar mistakes I may have made.


	2. Chapter 1

The thin stream of light that made its way through the drawn shade was the only indication to how nice it currently was outside. Along with the sun high in the sky and not a cloud in sight there was a small breeze blowing through the trees. A small flock of spearow could be seen flying high in the sky, chirping happily to one another. It truly was a beautiful day. Hidden away and unaware of all this Edmund woke up with a start. Something felt wrong to him, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Had he forgotten something?

Sitting up quickly he looked around his small room to see if he could find the cause. Nothing really stood out to him and it didn't look like there was anything that was missing. Dirty clothes thrown in a corner, half-open backpack hung on the door knob, phone and wallet on the night stand, random papers covering his desk, books on the floor. Yes, everything was just as he had left it from the day before.

Wait. Bright green digits caught his eye. It was his new digital alarm clock. The green display happily informed him that it was currently one forty-three in the afternoon. Crap, he had overslept on today of all days. With a shout he jumped out of bed and tried to rush over to his dresser to get changed. Instead he ended up tripping over his bed sheets and falling to the floor. Cursing he untangled himself from the stupid things he proceeded to pull fresh clothes out of the wooden dresser, starting with a new pair of pants and one of his plain grey shirts. Sparing one last annoyed glace at the failure of an alarm clock he started to get dressed.

"I'm sure that I set the alarm yesterday," he thought, pulling on his trusty black sweat shirt over his head. Not bothering to untie them he shoved his feet into well worn sneakers, wiggling about to get them on straight. Dashing out of his bed room and down the stairs he paused long enough to grab a cereal bar. Unwrapping and basically inhaling the oh so nutritious brunch he continued on his rush to get of the house. Only to stop and freeze with his hand on the knob of the front door. In a panic he ran all the way back up the stairs and into his room to grab the application that he had slaved the night away filling out and his travel ready backpack. He really could not afford to forget his application again, remembering how he felt like a fool last year after waiting in line for two hours before realizing that he would not be able to become a trainer.

Bursting out the door of his home, pulling his backpack on as he ran towards Professor Elm's lab he couldn't help but hope that he would not be late. No _would_ not be late. Putting more speed into his step he ignored people and pokémon alike as he ran down the street. Not even considering slowing down he jumped over the fence that went around the perimeter of the lab and arrived at the front door in record time. After taking a second to catch his breath he pushed it open and walked purposely past the assistants towards Professor Elm, completed application held tightly in hand.

"Professor," he shouted. "I have my application done this year. I hope I'm not too late."

Taking Edmund's application with a wince and looking over it quickly Elm stated "No, you're just on time. I still have two pokémon left. Let me file this and then we can get you your pokémon."

He had made it. Grinning Edmund looked over at the table that held two shiny red and white orbs on it. He hoped that no one had taken his cyndaquil yet, it wasn't possible. Humming to himself he waited while Professor Elm typed his information into the computer. After putting the application in a large filing cabinet Professor Elm retrieved the hard plastic trainer card from the printer.

"There, all done. You've officially been registered as a pokémon trainer," Elm said with a smile handing Edmund his card. "Now you can choose –"

"Can I get the cyndaquil?" Edmund said cutting him off. He was ready for his pokémon now and he didn't think he could stand the long speech Elm usually gave.

"I'm sorry, but as I was trying to say I already have run out of all the official starters. The two pokémon that I have left are Machop and Poliwag, who were generously donated to me by older trainers" Elm said gesturing towards the table.

Freezing for a second Edmund couldn't believe that someone else had taken his starter pokémon. "But I wanted a cyndaquil! I thought you were supposed to have the official starters"

"Edmund, now the only reason I don't have any more of the official starter pokémon is because most of the other new trainers actually came in on time. You are very lucky that I even have _any_ pokémon to give you at all, if you really wanted a cyndaquil that badly then you should have gotten here earlier."

Realizing it was a lost cause and arguing would only hurt him he took only a second to choose which pokémon he would have to take. Obviously he wouldn't take the weird looking water type, so that left him with a single choice. With only some reluctance he said, "I guess I'll take the machop."

It wasn't a cyndaquil, but a pokémon was a pokémon and he was not going to pass up the chance to get one of his own. The more he thought about it the more he was sure that it wouldn't be so bad; it looked like it would be a pretty cool pokémon. Sure it paled in comparison to a fire type pokémon, but he could always catch one of those somewhere else. That wouldn't be so hard would it? Taking the offered pokéball, a smile worked its way to his face. This was his first pokémon and he wasn't going to let the fact that it wasn't what he was expecting get him down.

"Why don't you let him out and get to know him," Elm said glad that the hot-headed teenage wasn't going to give him anymore problems. "The little guy might be shy at first, but he should warm up to you pretty quickly."

Pressing the button on his new pokéball Edmund watched a red beam shot out and a short blue-grey pokémon materialized before him on the tiled floor. The confused pokémon looked around the lab for a few moments before noticing the pokéball in Edmund's hand and looked up at him expectantly.

Looking down at the small pocket monster he knew that he had made the right choice. The guy might be little right now, but he could tell the machop would only get stronger. Without a second thought he smiled down at his starter and said, "I think I'm going to call you Buren"

* * *

So originally I had planned for this chapter to be around three times longer, but this felt like a nice spot to stop at. You can probably tell that I am not used to writing dialog, pretty sure last time I have was in middle school for a creative writing assignment. So tell me any parts that feel weird while reading and I'll try and fix them. If anyone can guess my naming theme kudos to you :) It might become clearer when I introduce the rival and his stolen pokemon (Or it might not, you never know). Tell me what you think.


	3. Chapter 2

Professor Elm watched Edmund as he let Machop out of his pokéball. This is what he loved about his job, watching the children get to know their very first pokémon, their companion for the journey soon to come. The joy and awe that graced their faces made up for any struggles that he had to deal with from them. Even if that child was Edmund. Well, he'd have to admit, especially if that child was Edmund seeing as that meant that the child in question would leave soon on his journey. It wasn't that he was a bad kid, no, Edmund was just a little too enthusiastic at times. And loud. He hoped that having a pokémon would help Edmund become more mature. Elm was pulled out of his musings when heard Edmund exclaim, "I think I'm going to call you Buren."

'_Buren huh,'_ the professor thought,_ 'that's a different name. At least he's happy with the machop, I was convinced for a second there that he was going to throw a fit.'_ He watched as Edmund introduce himself to Buren, voice filled with excitement explaining about one thing or another. The day wasn't going as badly as he feared it would; technically he hadn't run out of starter pokémon, none of the new trainers had been attacked by their starters, and Edmund... Edmund was Edmund. The only thing that he really needed to do now was go see what Mr. Pokémon wanted. Not that he was looking forward to that, maybe he could dump it on the enthusiastic boy that caused him so much trouble in the past. It shouldn't be too hard for him to pick up an egg and see what the obsessive old man was ranting about now. _'It would be win-win for both of us,'_ Elm thought happily to himself, _'I get some of the rest that I deserve and Edmund can start bonding with Buren.'_

"Edmund," no answer. Finally taking notice of his soundings it was apparent that Edmund had disappeared. Where had the little brat gone now? Looking around the lab Elm spotted the child conversing with one of his aides near the front of the building. A sigh of relief escaped his mouth, _'Thank Mew, for a second there I thought that he had gone and left me to handle Mr. Pokémon myself.'_

Walking with a small spring in his step Professor Elm made his way towards his salvation from the crazy old coot. It wasn't like he could send one of his aides again. None of them would even step in the front yard of Mr. Pokémon's house after what happened a couple months ago, not even with the promise of time and a half pay. The old man was almost as bad as the eccentric inventor of the pokémon storage system, Bill… Waving bad thoughts away he called out to Edmund again.

"Yes, Professor?"

"I was wondering if you would be able to do me a favor."

"I don't know, what do you need?"

"I would like you to make a simple delivery for me, a colleague of mine has a package that he couldn't mail to me. All I need you to do is go pick it up for me."

"Maybe–" Edmund said with a look of impatience spreading across his features.

Noticing his reaction to the request Elm quickly said, "If you do this for me I'll give you five pokéballs when you get back. It shouldn't take you very long to do anyways, Mr. Pokémon lives just past Cherrygrove. And this will give you a chance to get some battle experience in with Buren; almost all of the pokémon that you could encounter from here to his house should be pretty low leveled. And by the time you do get back here with the package and whatever message my colleague has for me you should have a general idea of what pokémon you can catch and where they can be found along the routes. Once you get back I'll give you the pokéballs and you can catch your second pokémon and you'll be well off to start your journey with almost no trouble at all."

The mention of the reward was all it took to bring back the excited spark into the child's eyes and Edmund just about shouted his answer, "Sure I'll do it ... as long as you aren't lying about the pokéballs.

"No I wouldn't lie to you about that," Elm said with a chuckle. _'I am most definitely not lying about rewarding you, just about how much of a hassle it will be to deal with Mr. Pokémon,' _he thought with an inward grin, _'It's worth the cost of five pokéballs. Distortion, I'd give you five-hundred pokéballs if that's what it would take.'_

"Who do you want me to meet? Where do I need to go? What is–"

Grinning he cut off Edward, "Now, now if you will just wait here a moment I can write down the directions to Mr. Pokémon's house. And I think that I'll let Mr. Pokémon handle what telling you what the package is."

Grabbing a pen and a pad of paper off of his aide's desk Elm started writing down the directions. He paused for a second to think of the clearest way to write them out, _'Head west along route 29, from Cherrygrove City go north till you hit route 30, stick to right side of the path and you should find Mr. Pokémon's house at the end.'_ Before ripping the page off the pad of paper Elm quickly scrawled his phone number down.

Handing Edmund the paper Professor Elm said, "Here you go, just follow these directions and you should get there in no time at all. Mr. Pokémon has something that he wants to tell me, but he doesn't trust the phone lines. So be certain to remember anything important." _'Not like he's going to talk any sense at all, it should be fun listening to Edmund's version of Mr. Pokémon's rant.'_

"Thanks, I'll get this done really fast and be back in time for dinner. Make sure that you have my pokéballs ready when I get back."

And with that said Edmund turned and started towards the door. Watching the child leave with his greyish companion following closely at his heels Professor Elm called out one last bit of advice, "If you need any help or get in to trouble feel free to call me, I wrote my phone number down on the directions"

With a grin on his face Elm turn around and went back to his desk, intent on closing the lab early today. He just needed to finish up a couple of reports and he would be done and back at home in no time.

Time passed quickly for the Professor, after sending his aides home it had only taken him a good hour and a half to finish up everything. Humming to himself Elm started to close up his lab, before remembering that Edmund would be coming back later in the day. _'Whoops, I guess I'll just leave him a note on the door saying no one is here and he should just see me over at my house.' _And after he went back in and got some supplies for the message he taped it on the door and left.

* * *

Sorry bout the wait for the this chapter. It would have been done sooner, but I've been sick x_x It didn't help that I decide to try and plan out the plot before writing this chapter. I had some fun coming up with a different word than hell for Professor Elm to use, using mew instead of god was obvious (it's second gen, no arceus yet). I eventually just settled on distortion, because it is basically the poke-version of hell and yeah... I decided to do this chapter from Professor Elm's point of view for some reason, but don't worry the next chapter will have Edmund back as the center of attention. And yes there will finally be pokémon battling and probably a rival introduction! Hopefully the next chapter won't take a month for me to write.


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